Consent means to strongly agree to be sexual with someone and communicating (either through words or other forms) at every stage of the way, be it, hugging, kissing, touching, or intercourse. It is important to ensure the partner feels comfortable and agrees with an enthusiastic ‘YES’ and this happens when both people are equally excited and completely on board with what is happening. we all have the right to decide for ourselves what we do with our bodies, when we do it, and with whom we do it.
Silence is not consent. An unenthusiastic yes is not consent. A look is not consent. A mood is not consent. Drunk is not consent. No means no not ask again. Consent is a voluntary agreement and thus one should never be afraid to set boundaries that make you feel comfortable, never feel pressured to say yes.
Consent is-
ONGOING – One is always allowed to change the mind about what they feel like doing. Consent must be granted every time and it can be revoked at any time.
FREELY GIVEN – Consenting is an individual choice without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It can not be obtained through physical violence or threat.
INFORMED - you can only consent to something if you have the full story. Denying and lying can often build mistrust and discomfort.
SPECIFIC - consent is never implied, and the absence of a no is not a yes. If someone consents to one sexual activity, she or he may not be willing
ENTHUSIASTIC – when it comes to sexual activity, one should do stuff they want and not things they feel expected to do. It’s about wanting to do something and not feeling like must do
Without consent, sexual activity is sexual assault or rape.
1 in 5 women and 1 in 38 men are victims of attempted or successful rape
But 9 out 10 rapists walk free due to the growing victim-blaming culture
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have faced physical violence at the hands of their partners
8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the victim
1 in 3 sexual assault are reported to law enforcement
Consent looks like:
Communication at every step of the way, when you change the degree of sexual activity with phrases like, “Is this okay?”
A confident and enthusiastic YES and not a forceful and pressurized one
Using physical cues to let the other person know you are comfortable
Breaking the preconceived notions of gender roles
Checking in with each other before, during, and after sexual activity
Asking to ensure “Are you comfortable?”, do you want to slow down? , do you want to go any further?
Consent does not look like:
Treating as own property or suggesting you ‘owe’ them because you are dating
Ignoring your verbal and non-verbal indications
Pressuring or guilting you into doing things you may never want to
Reacting negatively with anger, sadness, or resentment.
Forcefully convincing with “Why not? We have done this before”, If we don’t have sex I’m going to leave”
There is a common misconception about consent is that talking about or getting consent will make a moment awkward or “ruin the mood”. Communicating is the key to a healthy relationship thus it is important to talk about consent. It is an easy way to make sure nobody is being pressured into something they do not want to do. When it comes to sex, it is important for mutual respect to be a priority and not lust. To have healthy sex of any kind, there must be an understanding of each other’s boundaries around physical and sexual activities. Love and respect would always do wonders, but love and lust can never coexist in a relationship.
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